Island of Memories

Counting sheeps.

2011-10-01T07:44:00.000-07:00

It's been a tough period for me since he left for work to be based at somewhere else. I've lost a companion to vent out those excessive stress at work, I've had no one to talk to..

Well, a good future is ahead for him, so, I'm just gonna be supportive whatever it takes..oh well, 3 years, I hope it'll just be in a blink of an eye..

There are abundance of time where I got to do my own stuff, so called 'counting sheep'. It simply means there are times when i seriously don't even know what to do, i tried to lazed around every corner that he used to hang around. I sucked big time.. :( But, looking from a positive side, i got my own time to do more research and study.

We went through a lot although it was only a month since he left for work. Perhaps we were too close together and we spend most of the time with each other, so when things get apart, problems sets in.. but we definitely learned.. Still learning and we'll grow from it.

Working wise, i have improved better compared to months before. Coping in this new ward i went 9 months ago. Cant believe it has been 10 months today. Gotta sing, I am stronger than yesterday. . :P Cause I simply gotta deal with tough working environment and a long distance relationship. I must admit, they have have been a lot of breaking down moments where I just wanna crashed down yet, i am still holding on.. I gotta look at a brighter side. Some saying, most people tend to give up when they see how far they still need to go, instead, they should have look at how far they have gone.. I totally, positively agreed. And those little little words inspires me a lot..

So this is to Alan Yan, I understand how tough those periods and exams you gota handle, but dont worry, bright shinning sun is ahead of you.. Beautiful birds welcomes you in the sky.

I love you.. forever, now, and always..

A promise. A wait. A doubt.

2011-06-21T03:10:00.000-07:00

Promises correlates with waits, and doubts. I feel it that way. . I have been so down, so down for some reasons yet, it didn't get better. I guess this must have accumulates. Time passes and i really hope someday somewhere i will finally get that point of chances to stumble and say, hey, finally, it's over, im free from my doubts. There's no wait. Perhaps time will heal all the reasons for the brokens .. Those decisions aren't easy, aren't my favors either, but it'd still need to be positively covered. Perhaps someday those promises, waits and doubts are no longer needed to be my responsibilities, perhaps, things would just get worst and ends.. loneliness are always gona be the companion, getting rid of it was a first thought and it all turned upside down..

Depressed.

2011-02-03T06:56:00.001-08:00

This is the only time where I can blog. It's when I am alone. Even my love ones not around. Im spending the chinese new year holiday here, in my comfort zone, place where i grew up. But it's gona be a very very short days. A very short one. I had really good sufficient sleep throughout the days when i came back. I slept throughout the night till morning. Without having to think of what type of difficulties and trials I'll face at work tomorrow morning.Cause in the new place where I have just been transfered to, I brood and think million thoughts that I don't sleep suffifciently at night. Not even a good rest. My colleague said, that's because I am new to the place and she went through the same stuff, once.

And so, i have been thinking so much it gets me into depression at times. And when everyone is looking high upon you, you gota pretend that everything's alright. and you gota say, Yea, Im fine. Cause thatis so not true. And it's very tiring.. very tiring..

Living within the agony..

2010-11-17T01:47:00.000-08:00

It has been really fine but ever since too many footprints stepped into my little comfort zone, things has been difficult, at times. Living through the agony is so much more intensely difficult, what more if you have to live within the agony. When time passes, it reflects abundance of problems in my life. There's relationship which is common I would say, working, family, financial, future and etc. I'm trying my really best to build the foundation but sometimes it doesn't look so strong as it suppose to be. And it faded.

Just imagine when things doesn't go your own way, you stumbled when there suppose to be a backup plan. And when two person suppose to share the same old stories, it didn't happen. They just walked away. Pathetic huh? Instances could be abundance yet, unsolved. I wonder whether I should keep on walking on the cross road or I turn back and walk away. But when I turn back and walk away, it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be an eternity pinprick in my heart..

To stay positive, pretending the world is so colorful to live on despite a very dark heavy cloud above me, isn't gonna work.. So, to go with the flow is one best thing I guess..

2010-10-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

CUTTING THROUGH THE CLUTTER

The perennial confusion as to what males should look for in a woman can be dispelled by instead understanding exactly what the intents should be in the first place..

Future stability

If we didn’t care about the ‘future’, our dating and love lives would be different. We would simply wakeup in the morning, go about our life and randomly hook up with someone for some romantic pleasure, then go around our merry ways respectively. Most of us are concerned with the future- and yes- it is the driving force behind the concept of relationship, yet it is seldom talked about and there is little education on this topic with respect to dating and relationships.

So let’s break the mould and start addressing it. Because, understanding and creating ‘future’ makes a lot of things much less difficult.

There comes a point when you start working together as a team pursuing mutual goals- house, car, boat, vacations, kids, etc. the thing we have to remember about is that the process of working together as a team is more important than the things we obtain as a team. Teamwork is like a ‘glue’ that holds a couple together. Sometimes when a couple achieves some of the goals that are the objects of their teamwork, they forget to replace it with new goals. Sooner or later, if you don’t replace old goals with new ones, you run out of things to work together on. I’ve seen so often a couple who gets engaged, married, has children, gets a nice house and car- then stop setting goals and their teamwork disappears.

Sometimes, it doesn’t even go that far. Sometimes, they both have a simple goal like moving in together. They do that and stop creating projects.

Like the need to continue to do the things you need to attract woman, working together to achieve goals and solve problems is the expanded foundation of relationship.

Goals don’t always have to be mutual goals. Sometimes a couple helps each other on personal goals. They work together as a team to get her to lose 10 pounds. They work together as team to get him a better job. Doing that creates a relationship in a healthy manner. Telling your girl : You’d better lose 10 pounds or I am out of here’ doesn’t.

Telling the guy he’d better get a better job or you are gone doesn’t create a relationship either. These kinds of attitudes make you enemies or opponents rather than teammates.

Mutual goals are common opponents- these make you teammates in fighting against obstacles towards achieving your goals.. Continually setting goals and working on those goals as a team helps to create a relationship. Stop doing this and the relationship will start falling apart or drifting away.

Fairy-tale?

2010-04-11T01:49:00.000-07:00

There's a thing called fairy-tale that we, as a kid would indulged in it. Not only kids, ladies too. Life really seemed like a fairy-tale? I don't think so, for now. Not for now. It's just soo not real. I mean, surreal. There are a lot of things i think being me, myself, I actually have certain expectations towards things, which I think I should never aimed too high, never again. Cause, in the end, i fell, dropped down, and i broke. I was broken, and it sucks. It really does. Well, right now there's just too much of water on the surface, I'm drowning. But there's one thing, I don't need a life jacket, I don't need a stick, I don't feel like moving on, but I figured out that there's a thing I need to cling on, I don't know what, but I know I have it, maybe I have it.. i do right?

A tired me, failed to meet any of the expectations. A tired me, rather let things goes with the flow. A tired me, learnt the precious lesson. A tired me, perhaps will choose to hide at the end of the flawless dark tunnel.. Or a tired me will end up walking the at the isle alone, or the tired me would finally believe in fairy-tale?

The working life -_-

2010-02-02T04:16:00.000-08:00

After an intensive training, I finally graduated as a staff nurse. Not easy though.. It was indeed a very berrrrry long journey. Of course there were tears and laughter. The working life is not easy. You think everything is over after having to pass through the most important test in your career? I'm telling you, it's not. In fact, it is just a beginning. Just..a...beginning. You'll have to deal with every single things in your working life by your own bow, Think it's easy to carry the title as a staff nurse? Well,honestly, frankly, seriously, it is not at all.. it's just like another heavy burden upon your shoulder.. another big burden i mean.

In working life, at times I feel disgusted, feel tired, feel like giving up, feel uneasy and lots of unbearable painful feeling. Humiliation as a junior staff who just hatched from the egg is the worst. Innocent and naive, i suppose.I'm just really really tired at times.. really really tired. But sometimes, something keeps me going. Some little voice in my head keeps me going until who I am today. I know there are a lot of people who are sick needed help and they really need sincere and holistic care from us, i really know. I'm on, and I'm always on. I'm fighting till the very end. And there's this little voice from someone who gave me strength no matter where I am. No matter what circumstances. It comes so naturally into my head...

I need to keep holding on and walk still into the track where I suppose to walk.. Pls help me not to off track, I'll be exhausted and fall when it is unbearable.. But when I'm up frm the fall, I'll be stronger than before..

Gloomy day..

2010-01-17T03:55:00.000-08:00

At this point of time, it's undeniable that I'm totally under the dark,heavy cloud. Sometimes life is just an unexplainable cause.. perhaps being good and being evil are same nowadays. or perhaps we should just keep the line clear and mind our own business. And perhaps the good intention or the natural instinct of me were overflowed.. and it overflows and it causes conflicts. Unwanted conflicts. Damn.. Why am I expecting so much more from people when I can't even give my best to the people I love? Why? Am i instinctly imbalanced? Am I lost? Hei.. where did I went wrong? And how did I get here? Things were just over rated at times. I'm confused too. I startled,I stumbled.. words keep slipping away. I'm really sorry that I hurt someone.I seriously do..

The growing up stages..

2010-01-13T04:06:00.000-08:00

Well hey, I'm back here. It has been some time since I last log in here. I went through a lot of things during this period of time. There were tears, laughter, romance, disappointment, and etc. Kinda learn something throughout this period of time. It's not easy to be an adult. I mean the real adult. No kidding. I'm not talking about the reaching puberty kinda adult thingy. I'm talking about responsibility here, as an adult.

I understand life is not just about having fun and life is definitely never a fairy-tale. There are a lot of things to consider to be an adult. A lot. Especially relationship. At the beginning of everything, there were nothing much to be worried of, not much of responsibility as a kid, not much of frustration too i suppose. And at certain stages in life, every single things need to be taken into consideration. Every single things.. As an adult, you need to work, you need to have a working career, you need to have life, have relationship unless you plan to stay single, you need to bank-in money for your folks, you need to learn to talk and think like like an adult and probably you need to pay for rent. Not easy huh?And the list goes on and on..

I probably have the biggest mistake when I thought life was pretty easy. You'll survive. You know? Just have a work life,have family and go for vacation. Probably need to strive harder to achieve this.. probably.. that we'll never be able to find out. Relationship, as we go further, I realized that relationship is not just the two of us, Everything must be taken into consideration at times. There were some close people around us, and they meant something for us too. They either build us up or the other way round. Pretty lucky if there were experience people who built us up.. indeed..

Well, I guess I'll have to stop here. Too lazy to type nowadays.. Adult plays a pretty major role huh? Good Luck people..

To love or to trust first?

2009-09-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

NOTE: This is merely a typical post sounded like a so-called philosophy of mine. Doesn't have any connection with anyone around. I posted this when I realised my relationship is once again at the peak of one and another stage. Going deeper and deeper and I went through some research and withdraw some ideas from my bank of thoughts and share it here..

Before jumping into conclusion,before I define whether love can exist without trust,we have to fully understand what love is. Of course I have to clarify that I'm talking about the love between two people in relationship.Love is delicate. It doesn't revolve around lust, infatuation, obsession and comfort. It is something that withstands all tests of time if it is true. It goes beyond pheromones and conscious feelings. It is a subconscious,magnetic attraction that cannot be broken by any force in the universe. At the same time that magnetism can only be foremed if both persons implicitly know every excruciating detail about the other. Love and trust are truly one and the same in this sense. The only way love can be destroyed is, if one or both persons are revealed to be something different than they were perceived to be.

To love someone and to put your heart on the line is to them with your very being. If some meone break that trust, it can never be the same, yes, people try but forgetting is nearly impossible. And your heart will always know. The scars will always be felt no matter how silent it can be, tainting the relationship for the rest of the life..

To love or to trust first? It is almost a epical battle between the two, being such a thin line both can draw. Do we love first and trust later or trust first and love later? These two can cause uncertainties between each other boundaries, well, I guess in my opinion the only answer is through your trail and error process. Like it always says, what might work well for someone else will not definately work for you equally.So true?

Another point of view from me, love without trust is nothing. Personally, I don't think you can love a person entirely if you can't trust them. We need to have trust to love someone romantically.. Well, sometime some people might break the trust but everyone deserves a second chance and just because one person messed up, doesn't mean it'll continue to happen again and again..

I have my own stand and own thoughts, perceptions and definition of trust and I'm not worried of any barriers ahead of me, and evil tempts which are luring all around..

I'm yours..- The scripts

2009-07-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoQ8pbtC5d0

Nice song. Just wanted to share. Got me attracted so much dear..

You touch these tired eyes of mine

And map my face out line by line

And somehow growing old feels fine

Listen close for I'm not smart

You wraps your thoughts in works of art

And they're hanging on the wall of my heart

I may not have the softest touch

I may not say the words as such

And though I may not look like much I'm yours

And though my edges may be rough

I never feel I'm quite enough

It may not seem like very much but I'm yours

You healed these scars over time

Embraced my souls, you loved my mind

You're the only angel in my life

The day news came, My best friend died

My knees went weak and you saw me cry

Say I'm still the soldier in your life..

Patience produces diamonds..

2009-06-27T01:33:00.000-07:00

Hm... Tomorrow going back to the place which I like most.. It's kinda weird, I don't understand why I had fallen in love so deep with the place.. Penang. I guess my 'real' life started very very basic from there.. Everything started from that very place, from the the nursing course Im taking till..... relationship and not to forget friendship.. So many things I went through.. There were once when I felt like the heavy clouds were all over the place, and I begin to hate this place, well, of course only for a short while. Perhaps was too emo for that period that time..
It suppose to be something different tomorrow, I have plans.. but I guess luck once again not on my side.. whtever it is, no matter how tough the road's gonna be, I promise to cling on on certain things.. ( Fallen for someone.. )...:P

1st of July would be the new semester, and the last one for me, really wana pass the hospital and government exam asap and I can stay out from this scary hostel.. and of course, no more curfew! ha~ MNB is wayyyyyyyyyy too scary.. It'll be on the 23rd of Dec this year! I wana work hard for it and then celebrate Xmas 2 days after.. never get to celebrate.. not even once..:( the first half of year 2009 is not tht good huh? Hopefully the rest of it would be better.. To the above, a lil bit of luck and happiness for me pls.. :P During this last and final 6 months, I will strengthen all the skills needed for OSCE and also gain as much knowledge that I can for the final. . and also carry out the promise Ive made.

.........Actually the scariest part besides the final would be.. the posting. There are so many options.. I'm not sure by that time how would the hospital management side would be like.. well, if they allow to request, why not? where to go? ICU?5B?A&E?? hm... emergency department not bad but too bad they're lack of staff there so, I will always have to work double shift which means I don't even have time for myself..and for someone..haha. ICU?hm.. very very challenging..
I guess the best is to let them decide and throw me which departments they want. haha. General ward is the best to pick up skills actually before foucusing into specialized unit. .It would be a a bonus for me if Im posted to the nursery, but too bad young graduates are not encouraged to go.. sobz. Babies are way tooooooo adorable!

To be with you..- David Archuleta

2009-06-25T20:01:00.000-07:00

Although it's not a new song, but it is for me. It's simply beautiful.. and meaningful. It describes how people are feeling when they are in long-distance relationship.. Hope to share this song with someone.. someone who have just stepped into my life recently.. I never thought I'll be able to hold on for uncertainty because of what i went through.. I hope I've made the right decision this time.. It's still too early for me to make any conclusion. I really want it to happen.. but I need this very special person to accept me as who I am, the ugliest side of me too. Then I will not worry to make any mistakes in front of him cause this is when the relationship has blossom.. I've sow the seed deep in my heart.. maybe all this while when I keep falling down, there are reasons behind it.. someone to catch me when I fall down again, perhaps?

To be with you..

I've been alone for so many nights now
And I've been waiting for the stars to fall
I keep holding out for what I don' know
Just to be with you..

So, here I am staring at the moon tonight
Wondering how you look in this light
Maybe you're somewhere thinking about me too..
To be with you.. There's nothing I wouldn't do..

And I can't imagine two worlds spinning apart
Come together eventually..
And when we finally meet, I'll now it's right
I'll be a the end of my endless road..
But this journey it was worth to fight..
To be with you..

Just to be holding you for the very first time,
Never letting go..
What I wouldn't give to feel that way..
Oh, to be with you..

And when you're standing here in front of me,
Thts when I know tht God does exist,
'Cause he will have answered every single prayer..
To be with you...
Just to be with you..

Steambot at Macalister Road.

2009-03-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

Yea. You need to Q for satay too.. Thts Ying ming!

drooolssss....

HAha. Im staring at ur food and i wana grab it!!

Such a huge place for steambot..

Nice!! And it's worth it. 17 bucks for lotsa lotsa food! haha.

Thanks guys. We had lotsa fun! Well, everyone get so tired and stressed up with work. Eat all you can! Lolx..

Go away evil flu...

2008-11-05T05:42:00.000-08:00

Flu plus fever just after my family return to Ipoh. The most interesting part is, I'm working. At least today the fever is gone, while flu is setting its pace. Anyway, I have to admit that clarinase doesn't get any better, am trying clarityne now. Feel like wana dozed off because of its sedative effect. As usual, the ward was super busy, and I am actually really really tired now. .

exam fever

2008-10-22T04:46:00.000-07:00

hm. Let's see wht I've got today. Class over at 4pm as usual today and I took a real short nap cause I'm too tired for the past few days. Exam fever.. But the scary nursing science has just over and I seriusly felt so much moreeee relieved after the paper. It's driving me crazy. Felt like my wrist is dangling cause it felt sooooo tired to write so many stuff. Everytime it'll be like that especially the terminal exam.Well, not just me of course, the rest of my colleagues felt their hand has already broken off actually .. Funny. Today is a rest day for us.So, rest is included today!! Tomorrow it'll be the CHN(community health nursing) paper. For me, it's an easy paper cause you just need to be expressive..lolx. For others, not. Tht is why I have time to blog.But i'll return to my notes asap..No worries.

Actually I don't feel happy today. I don't even know wht is wrong with me. Is it a PMS?I duno..

Forum le..

2008-10-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

Heya, I have another memorable event to share with.A forum was held, actually before the research study presenation, by right I should have posted this forumt hingy before the previus posting.haha. Welll, they pass me the picture so late ma.. It was a forum thingy and marks will be given,so it's a no play-play thingy. Our group need to discuss on the topic 'murder' and we actually ..hm..kinda put in something not relevant into our slides. Hei we think it was relevant but you see, we are not the examiners, so, they perceived thing differently.haha. Below are some pictures to share.. Enjoy!

At times we can laugh over it..

At times we need to get serious.

Finally.. a good sleep but..

2008-10-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

Whee.. finally I can sleep for more than 8 hours after the presentation of research study. It took us 12 weeks to get it done and finally.. our group deserved something that we never expected. The upshot is so good that we have to present it in front of the hospital staff for the next CNE( Continuous Nursing Education) in the auditorium. Wow!! Yesterday I only speak in front of 100 people in our lecture hall and a few tutors, examiners but in CNE? Dare not imagine. I must say that the rest of the presenters Jennifer and Joyce also have done well!! Thanks to the effort of the group members, the 'well done' part is simply awesome!! Believe or not the night before our pesentation we actually have our props and slides ready for preparation until 12 mn. Meaning I wokeup at 6am tht day and came back to my room at midnight.. Fatigue really kills people. But whatever it is, the upshot.. really good! Now, we don't have discussion anymore, temporarily until our finals over. After that, we need to sweat excessively for discussion,yea, again. CNE is a big thing. Im proud to present our research findings in front of so many hospital staff. It makes you feel your effort is worth!! Whiel there's no discussion temporarily. I wana go out kai kai la!! haha..

What to do now?

2008-08-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

Today, sucks. Why are those unlucky stuff keep pouring on to me?? Why? Really sad right now. Never know it'll break my heart so much..so much..

The end of CHN- as a student nurse.

2008-08-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

What a great week. It has been really enjoyable although, tiring.haha. No other word than tiring.CHN- Community Health Nursing. Working in other places throughout the week was simply amazing.Well, at least I have the chance to experience the outside 'world'. Next week have to work in the hospital, I really miss the 'business' in the ward. Time will just pass by and I sometimes will not even realise how time actually flies. This whole week really has given me an insight especially how much I should be contented and be appreciative towards my life. We went home visiting to a post-natal mother and also a disabled children. Disabled chidren, lesson? Im glad that I am physically healthy and the most importantly, normal. Some people are so unlucky. They either born mentally retarded or.. impaired physically. We are actually so so lucky. Who are those people without normal life, I wouldn't know, but I will try my best to care for those people. I will not hesitate to help cause life is so precious.
Post natal mother? 7 children in the house.And her husband earn around RM450 per month. How can they survive? The post natal mother appeared to be kinda ignorant especially in her newborn's diet.Hm. I wonder if we did not make an attempt to visit her and perform thourough examination, I guess she wouldn't even bother to come to the clinic for follow-up. There's nothing in her house, not even a single food for the children to eat:(

Lesson? Still need me to tell more? Let's just cross our finger and wish them fine.. Unforgettable week..

Quiet night.

2008-08-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep.Really can't shut my eyes. Looking at my room mate and how she can fall asleep within a few minutes really amazed me at times. How was my day? Tiring. Realised that me and the word tired never get separated, not even once. Perhaps a nurse's duty is not that simple.Taking care of people is one thing, taking care of ourselves is quite another. I simply wish at this time, someone could just ring me up and said How ya doing? Really wanted to talk to someone. I guess im just being OA. Tomorrow schedule is so full. It's going to be either tiring or exhausted. any difference between this two? haha. I don't think so. Anyway, at the end of the day, I'm happy with what I have done especially if I can offer my service to help anyone.simple? You'll never undertstand until you experience it. it's 12am now, and I'm still browsing thru a few websites just to keep my eyes tired. I guess I shouldn't take such a long nap. But, you see, when you just return from work, you just wana dozed off on your bed after a good bath. Thts normal.

No more wisdom tooth, no more wisdom for me?

2008-07-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

The Getaway?

Just got my wisdom tooth extracted. Eventually the antibiotic is doing its job. Can get it extracted smoothly. No more wisdom for me? Just kidding. I have 3 more coming up. lox. Well, you don't judge someone by their wisdom tooth. How can someone's wisdom be measured in that way?.... Im still keeping the 'sample'. It has been bugging me from the past few months. Phew. hopefully no more fever coming in, I wana continue my stuff very soon. As soon as, tonight? Don't think so. Working morning shift tmr. Can work it out I think.

Me helpless.

2008-07-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Still sound like a rocker. I mean the hoarnessness of my voice. Still coughing.Try to doze myself with Rhinathiol hoping the sedative effect of Promethazine will keep me asleep but I guess my conscience have won this time. Maybe I'm still in the midst of transition. Well, it always happened. First day of the week, always a confusion in working area. Mind you, it's a clinical area. I feel helpless. I'm a nurse yet, I can't even take care of myself. I'm carrying my sickness forward since last week. I don't have choice. More rest? hopefully..No matter how tiring I am, I will still hold on to my principle. To get my personal stuff done before I shut my eyes. Quiet time?Checked! Check mails? Checked! Blogging? Checked! Update planner?Checked!..
Some people might be thinkng how silly I am, spending time to blog. Could be stupid but I feel relieve. Because, sometimes in reality, you can't just say what you want. Really. You can't,even if you wanted too. You just wish that person to stay happy..

Bitter-sweet? Bitter won.

2008-07-26T04:34:00.000-07:00

Rating for this week? Quite bad. Fell sick.Why do I have to get sicked everytime when I wanted to work something out?I'm still working on the research study, can't afford to get sicked but I guess the main reason I'm sick because I have forgotten to take care of myself. Caught up with so many things at one time. Thanks for a few people, who took good care of me during the febrile period.Sorry for scaring you guys, but the temperature did went up pretty high isn'it?
The saddest part for this week, someone's leaving. Ms XXX no matter where you go, how far you go, our prayer will always be around. The hurts within you, let God take control and heal it..We'll miss you..
Life is not so depressive after all. People tend to judge me from my appearance, how sanguine I can be. But,who knows? The actual hurts that pricks my heart and I wrapped it so tight around me that no body knows. Destiny? Do you believe in it?I think I believe in divine arrangement.

As busy as a bee..

2008-07-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

Today's activities surely once again kills me off. Class as usual till 4pm then volleyball practice againstthe new intake students, discussion for the research study until now. Wou.. tiring. Really really tiring. I wana sleep actually but updating blog came to my mind. Perhaps I'm still trying to figure out the vague feeling of mine. Options. Let's talk about options. What happens when something good come to your hand at the same time, I mean 2 things. And it's a decision making issue.Well, for me, maybe I'll try to look back at the past, maybe from there I could pick up something that would influence my choice and of course, signs from God. Don't know why I am talking about all this stuff, but it certainly bugs me. Also, a vague,uncertainty... something on this very person, who stepped into my life.

Another birthday..

2008-07-12T05:59:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Joey..

Another birthday. I think there will be not much different this year. Well, no difference except to reply sms and get calls from friends. Nothing special.. Erm, Well, rest is the most important, I'm glad i can finally sleep for like more than 8 hours? Can't imagine what will happen next week, when things get more and more stressful. Oh ya, went to the travel agency looking for 'cruising' information. Plan to go for cruising during 1 week leave on september.Need to get fresh air.. Silly me, they asked me to go jetty for information and booking.haha. Guess have to wait for my so-called brother Irwin choo to come back frm his holiday to fetch me and doggie there. Well, edwin did offered his help. Don't know whether he meant it or not.lolx.. nevermind, still a long way to go, at least class test 1 and 2 will be over by then.
Yea, wish me birthday. approximately 2 more hours to go.

Stress! All over my head.

2008-07-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

I need more sleeping hours!!!!

Seriously stressful though the new semester has just started. Research study?It's all beyond what I have expected.Yea,have discussion every night, college party here and there. Tonight need to come together and filter all the articles we've got in our hands and of course, proposal.Whee...
Well, at least this coming saturday there's a class trip to Tanjung Bungah beach.lolx. A place where I always wanted to be. Relax.But this is just a tiny portion of 'fun'.One more thing,I need sleep!!!!!!I know there will be lotsa stuff coming on.Erm.. what else?Oh ya, rehearsal after class for assembly.Me as the emcee.*sweating.In 3 weeks time, will be going out for practical again.Hopefully I can conserve my sleeping hours from now.No wonder my eyes are getting worse.

Goodbye there..Welcome new semester!!

2008-05-25T03:19:00.000-07:00

Farewell party night fr 3rd year student.
Dress code: white

Whee..No more exam??haha.Well, I can't said it's completely over.There will be practical exam on the 30th of May. The scariest part....The examiner will ask you questions as if you're criminal.What am I doing lately?I don't know. Serious.Well, perhaps trying to clear a little space in the corners of my mind..It's funny.When I was in the so-called exam fever, I'm longing for this moment,post-exam.Free and easy.But when I'm at one,I lost my direction.At times, I don't even know what to do besides work.Tomorrow is the time for work, it's going to be real busy as usual and tiring, but I do enjoy it though.Hm..One more year to go.Graduation day?Longing for that..Mom,Dad,I can't wait!!

Go away evil medical book!!!

2008-05-21T01:15:00.000-07:00

Tired,lethargy and fatigue plus plus...

Whee..really tired.Just feel like lying down on bed but I couldn't due to tonnes of notes for revision.Well, there's always time to blog though.Class just over at 4pm, got a few results for the exam and feel really really relieve right now.At least the freaking Medical Science 3 has over.Made you lose 4 marks for an objective question!! 2 more days to go for the finals. Tomorrow's paper, I'm not ready but I hope to get distinction because I really love the subject that I make my own endeavour and sometimes complicate it and others.lolx.It's the professional development including ethics,legal issue in nursing and bla bla..Make you think like a lawyer.cool! That's all for now.Gotta go for dinner in cafeteria.Adios!

Exam fever.

2008-05-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

What am I doing now?It's 2.30am and I'm still browsing thru some medical book and of course updatin my blog, check mails and stuff.another funny story.I'm using my roomate's notebook now. Where's mine?Sent fr repair,yea again.Seriously, i spent so much for my notebook maintenance,believe it or not I just sent it for reformat 1 month ago.Don't asked me what happened.lolx.Fever?ya,Exam fever.Countdown?Erm..6 days to go for the final.scary.This time,I work really hard and I'm hoping to see something good..It's going to be real tired I know, but I believe hardwork produces..good results.Mind and body seriously tired right now and I think I have zillions of medical terms, nursing interventions,drugs in my head right now.Feel so heavy.Will it leaks?lolx.I hope not cause I'm keeping this fr the final next week.I think my plan sucks.I mean my own plans. I actually planned to finished the endocrine system yesterday and it delayed for another day which means I need to extend 1 more day for revision..Whee..Get yourself up Joey and strut along further.Another funny stuff, my group member asked me to present a case study today and the funny part is, I don't even know the questions because no discussions were made.Well, they were like..Take this pendrive and present it..haha.When I present it,it was the first time i read the questions.Well, at least all went smooth.Ok, i wana shut my eyes now and thank god for another beautiful night.( hear birds chirping putside..)

Change of Temperaments..

2008-05-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

Change of temperaments? Ya, I'm talking about temperaments here. It's me. All about me. What if the temperament altar from a type 1 personality to type 2?A sanguine to melancholy?Possible?? I guess so. It could happen when you're under two differ circumstances, under force and is forcing. haha. Sometimes I don't have to specify what I'm trying to say.Perhaps it's good to write in this way. I like to put things into 2 meanings when I blog.Not complicated, not abstract, I'm just being careful. Life's not easy especially when your privacy has been violated once. Why am I talking about change of temperaments? Perhaps it's me.. Maybe I am going thru a lot of things in my life at the very young age. I'm not afraid of having to face all the calamity, challenges, obstacles in my life, in fact I'm bold enough to step further and further cause someone's with me all the time but.. I stumbled many times, wondering, am i too young for this? Once, I said,am, I too young for this, I can stand up once but that doesn't mean I can when I fell down again, what if I never will? That I'm too weak? Someone gave me answers. That person said he'll never give me tests that are beyond what I can do.. awesome? I think it is.

The funny part is,I can sometime turn into real melancholy mood. And that's when I sit down in my room and get depressed. Browse thru the some books and listen to some soothing songs. Seeing me with the type 1 personality everyday doesn't change the perceptions that I do have a melancholy time with myself. Everyone does. Well, I think recently, my temperaments swing up and down very very much. But still doesn't change the fact of who I am. Maybe it's for the temporary cause. Maybe because of what had happened, my emotion fluctuates and the saddest part is, the mel part actually overtakes the san part. At this moment, I just came down from the college rooftop after having some kinda practice for the coming Nurses Day peformance and I'm actually really tired. Mentally and physically as well.Dealing with kids? Not easy especially when I'm working in the paediatric ward now. Gotta use all your mind and soul just to feed them medications. One thing, they're adorable,innocent and.. mischievious too.lolx.Feels great looking at kids with their parents.
To build relationship is not easy, what more if you're looking for commitment..

A life I've chosen.

2008-05-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

Previously,I have my own blog in friendster but blogging here is definitely, safer.Here's the new shifting.Well, it comes from experiences.Looking at the past, I chuckled at my own mistakes,bloopers and blunders.Truly, stories from the past, gives me pointers for the present.Without having to bear any grudges anymore, I have chosen a life to live. Sounds complicated huh?I wish I can start it all over again, I wish time will pause for just one sweet moment in my life I wish this and I wish that. Nothing can be rewind. If that's the case, we are allow to make mistakes over and over again and I will not be sitting here and talk about the past. There's nothing in the past for me to keep or brood over cause I have already madeup my mind. But there's always something that I would like to figure out the answer.And I guess I wil never have the chance to ask the question to someone.I need to learn and let go, probably never get over him.Looking at someone from behind, who once bring you joy and laughter, the best moment you've ever had, without even talking to that person, how much more it would hurt myself?At times he might be sitting just right beside you, but you'd probably never know him.And he probably trying to forget everything.I'm not clinging on to anything, anymore. Past hurts push me further and I know I will go thru many things in later life.
Truly, we never comprehend God's ways.Never.He let me go thru all the hills and slopes, let me fall again and again, let me cling on at certain things which dissapoint me at the very end. I'd probably never understand what He' s trying to prepare me for, but I know everytime when I came out from this circle of dissappoinments and struggles, it actually changes me, to be a stronger person. Things happen for a reason.. Who knows God is preparing someone to catch me when I fall. We never know until we witness it ourselves..