Im BACKKKKKKKKKK!!! It’s family talk. Baby talk. Hubby talk. Anything but no more in the emo-boygirl-relationship-talk.

 

It has been a few very awkward months since I gave up on my job for a family. I totally forgot I actually could write “professionally” here after being preggie almost 4 years in a row ( felt like it) :P Then one day BAMMM! I remembered. I actually can blog. And...hastily put up a blog again for my close friends.  Few months back, I had a passionate affair with creative ideas of cooking and am feeling entirely pregnant again,( methaporically) trying to figure out how the heck to birth all of these ideas lol, how to "raise" them, and how to share them with people...Which is exactly what I gona write about, partly. .My passion for cooking. I have conquered the kitchen and cooking has been my arsenal!

I might not be as good as Mr Gordon Ramsay or Jamie Oliver but I can cook. What the hell Im talking about?  I mean, look at girls who can’t cook or burn down their own kitchen nowadays, I am definitely not shy to admit that I am not at par with them. I am at a higher rank! Hahahhaha.

What makes me so flattered and happy about cooking is seeing people enjoyed my food. I love those family-harmony kinda thing and it makes me wana cook more eventhough I gota juggle with an annoyin-chatty cuddlepuff!

I won’t brag on how well my cooking or how much sleep I needed ever since I stepped into ‘motherhood’ land. I feel like going back to Neverland.. a lot of times. Seriously.

There were times where I can’t even recalled the different groups of anti-hypertensive medication, rules of thumb, dilutions and those very important stuff in medical field. I wish I could tell the whole world that I have been certified as an ACLS provider.. all this I have kept within myself. Because all I wanted to remember these days are, my little one next vaccination, when is her last poo? has the laundry done? When is hubs next off day!

 

All these.. I can’t trade with a single penny. I miss my work. But I miss my baby more. Work can wait. But she only grows once, and that will not wait for me.

 

And yes, I will start writing again when I have more time!

 

Love, work and everything in between.

This month, it has been almost 1 year since my breakup. No, I am not counting the days, but because it falls on some auspicious couple days, so yea, it has been almost a year.
But first and foremost, I would not brood over it, because right now, I have found someone and thank god.. I feel like the luckiest girl on earth. Because this feeling.. Im having right now, I know it's not merely butterlies in the stomach kinda stuff.. it's too special in its way. Simple but.. arghhh.. I cant describe it.


Falling in love. Something I probably wouldn't even think of after the breakup. But yea.. time flies. Falling in love is just like striking a lottery. Not easy.. because you wouldn't expect him to fall into u at the same time.. and I guess I just strike a lottery?

Contented with no expectation. Too special in his own way. Sometimes I asked myself, what have I done that I deserve him in my life?

I could not give anything special to him, but I could promise to love and cherish till the end of us. And thts me, I definitely gona be around through thick and thin.. and no matter what, I'm gona love you as a person, not just your career or other external factors. I could only say this to you, but, Im gona prove it.

So, im hoping we could stick together thru hard times and good times. And never give up no matter how much it takes to be together. Distances.. We both been thru that, and it's nothing that hard anyway.

So dear.. This is for you. I love you.

15/2/2013. The breakup.

A day after Valentine's Day. We finally broke up. And he made that called. 

It was hard to accept at first but today.. it has been 4 months.
And he moved on.. right after the break up.

Didn't know that he can moved on that fast. Didn't know everything has turned so ugly but pretty to him..

So much for the 3 years relationship.. finally he moved on with someone else. Probably I wasn't at his thought at all. Because he moved on too fast.. And he announced it officially without considering my feeling when friends and families kept asking. And that really hurts.

I tried so hard. Tried hard to forget. But knowing that he moved on right after the breakup with someone else.. I finally able to erase him from my memories.

WAs it so bad that it cannot be salvaged anymore? I kept asking?
I kept asking. But today. I stop asking. I moved on too. Because brooding over is a waste of my time. I need to tell myself this.. I need to move on. But seeing someone new is still hard and tough for me..

There's so much to write but I just didn't want to. Too much of memories. Too much of hurts.

We were meant to be. Yet, you walked away from me.
You chose to walk away from me. But I will not stumble. I will not fall.

Because that promised I made to cherish and to love..
That promise I made thru thick and thin, sickness and health..
I will remember but I gota let go..
Because you want me to.

I pray for love and happiness in you.
For the best in your life.

Counting sheeps.

It's been a tough period for me since he left for work to be based at somewhere else. I've lost a companion to vent out those excessive stress at work, I've had no one to talk to..

Well, a good future is ahead for him, so, I'm just gonna be supportive whatever it takes..oh well, 3 years, I hope it'll just be in a blink of an eye.. 

There are abundance of time where I got to do my own stuff, so called 'counting sheep'. It simply means there are times when i seriously don't even know what to do, i tried to laze around every corner that he used to hang around. I sucked big time.. :( But, looking from a positive side, i got my own time to do more research and study. 

We went through a lot although it was only a month since he left for work. Perhaps we were too close together and we spend most of the time with each other, so when both were apart, problems sets in.. but we definitely learned.. Still learning and we'll grow from it.

Working wise, i have improved better compared to months before. Coping in this new ward i went 9 months ago. Cant believe it has been 10 months today.  I simply have to deal with tough working environment and a long distance relationship. I must admit, they have have been a lot of breaking down moments where I just wanna crashed down yet, i am still holding on.. I gotta look at a brighter side. Some saying, most people tend to give up when they see how far they still need to go, instead, they should have look at how far they have gone.. I totally, positively agreed. And those little little words inspires me a lot..

So this is to Alan Yan, I understand how tough those periods and exams you gota handle, but dont worry, bright shinning sun is ahead of you.. Beautiful birds welcomes you in the sky. 

I love you.. forever, now, and always..

A promise. A wait. A doubt.

Promises correlates with waits, and doubts. I feel it that way. . I have been so down, so down for some reasons yet, it didn't get better. I guess this must have accumulates. Time passes and i really hope someday somewhere i will finally get that point of chances to stumble and say, hey, finally, it's over, im free from my doubts. There's no wait. Perhaps time will heal all the reasons for the brokens .. Those decisions aren't easy, aren't my favors either, but it'd still need to be positively covered. Perhaps someday those promises, waits and doubts are no longer needed to be my responsibilities, perhaps, things would just get worst and thts the end.. loneliness are always gona be my companion, getting rid of it was a first thought but then  it all turned upside down..

Depressed.

This is the only time where I can blog. It's when I am alone. Even my loved ones not around. Im spending the chinese new year holiday here, in my comfort zone, place where i grew up. But it's gona be a very very short days. A very short one. I had really good sufficient sleep throughout the day when i came back. I slept throughout the night till morning. Without having to think of all the difficulties and trials I'll face at work tomorrow morning.Cause in the new place where I have just been transfered to, I brood and think million thoughts that I don't sleep suffifciently at night. Not even a good rest. My colleague said, that's because I am new to the place and she went through the same thing, once.

And so, i have been thinking so much it gets me into depression at times. And when everyone is looking high upon you, you gota pretend that everything's alright. and you gota say, Yea, Im fine.. I'm really fine.

Living within the agony..

It has been really fine but ever since too many footprints stepped into my little comfort zone, things has been difficult, at times. Living through the agony is so much more intensely difficult, what more if you have to live within the agony. When time passes, it reflects abundance of problems in my life. There's relationship which is common I would say, working, family, financial, future and etc. I'm trying my really best to build the foundation but sometimes it doesn't look so strong as it suppose to be. And it faded.

Just imagine when things doesn't go your own way, you stumbled when there suppose to be a backup plan. And when two person suppose to share the same old stories, it didn't happen. They just walked away. Pathetic huh? Instances could be abundance yet, unsolved. I wonder whether I should keep on walking on the cross road or I turn back and walk away. But when I turn back and walk away, it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be an eternity pinprick in my heart.. 

To stay positive, pretending the world is so colorful to live in despite a very dark heavy clouds are above me, isn't gonna work..